


Of Dwarves and Colourings

by GendrysNorthernWench



Category: The Hobbit (2012), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Other, hyper!dwarves
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-28
Updated: 2013-01-28
Packaged: 2017-11-27 06:37:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 543
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/658995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GendrysNorthernWench/pseuds/GendrysNorthernWench
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Apparently, food colourings negatively affect dwarf princes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Dwarves and Colourings

**Author's Note:**

> Cute little family fic, with humour and hyper Durin's.

Bilbo was never going to let his nephews help him in the kitchen. Ever again. 

Thorin had been horrifically busy ironing out some inane conflict amongst some new arrivals in Erebor, and thus, had little time for his hobbit. So when not in the archives reading, Bilbo could generally be found baking all many of delicious treats for his love and their friends –pesky nephews too- and on this occasion, said nephews had decided that it was a prime time to start learning how to bake.

Unfortunately, the hobbit had made a batch of icing coloured with blue not ten minutes before the young princes had come charging in, and being completely naïve to the potentially disastrous effects had let them try some of the fluffy topping.

In the space of a quarter of an hour, they’d coated themselves, their ‘auntie Bilbo’ and the kitchen in a layer of flour, split milk all over the floor and were currently half way through an egg war. 

From the relative safety of underneath the table, the orc slayer –a further affection bestowed upon him by the holy terrors destroying his kitchen- came to the realisation that perhaps, dwarves and large quantities of blue icing was not his wisest idea to date.

Apparently, dwarves were far more susceptible to the effects of food colourings than hobbits were, and so, when Thorin came to investigate the banging and crashing that’d been reported coming from his and Bilbo’s room and received an egg to the face. He was not impressed. 

“WHAT, IN THE NAME OF DURIN’S BALLS DO YOU THINK YOU ARE DOING?” The mighty king roared, egg oozing down his face into his perfectly trimmed beard and braids.  
“Uncleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee” Kili cried, launching himself at his mother’s brother, and latching his arms around Thorin’s neck.

Not to be outdone, Fili too threw himself at his uncle, wrapping sturdy arms around his waist with the same exuberance as his little brother

“Auntie Bilbo gave us magic icing and and and WE CAN FLY UNCLE THORIN WE CAN FLYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!” Kili exclaimed, swinging his weight to the left so that the trio of dwarves would spin.

Bilbo had mysteriously disappeared during the commotion, and Thorin mentally promised retribution against his lover when he got him alone in their chambers tonight. 

“What are you on about Kili, magic icing?” Thorin asked, adopting the long suffering tone of a parent caring for two hyper-active children

“It was blue! And it was yummy and lookie, my tongue is blue too” Fili explained, sticking his tongue out and waggling it madly as proof. 

“Blue?” The king’s interest was piqued “take me to do this food, I wish to see it for myself” 

And his ever obliging nephews did just that.

\-----------------

It came as a great surprise to the inhabitants of Erebor when the king and his two heirs came skidding into the great meeting hall, naked as jay-birds and covered in flour singing loudly and crudely about things best not mentioned in polite company. 

“This, is the last time I ever use colourings in dwarf food” Bilbo muttered watching his lover and nephews prance about like overly excited dwarflings, bare bums waggling as the performed an impromptu risqué dance for hundreds of eyes to see.


End file.
